Diary

DIARY INSTALLMENT 1

Well, here I am in the good old US of A, in tinsel town to be precise, otherwise known as LA LA land and LA LA land it most certainly is. The place is fuckin’ crazy but great. I have a line in one of my songs which says “You can be who you want to be” - well - here you can do just that. At home in Liverpool’s Krazy House I thought I had seen just about everything but fuck me this is the Krazy House on PCP and that’s in the daytime!

I booked into the Saharan Motel, a well known place on the Sunset, which turns into a whore house on the weekends - imagine my surprise when on Saturday, - I was practising my chops by the pool and was joined by about 20 hookers dressed only in G strings for an impromptu singalong I thought I’d died and ended up in in a John Leslie porn movie, needless to say I had to do the biz it was fuckin’ great.

The next day I woke up to gun shots outside my room I thought shit what the fuck’s goin’ on I thought one of those birds bloke’s had come to sort me out, I ran to the door only to be told “stay where you are” by some guy with a movie clapperboard, at the other end of the balcony was a guy with a camera the next thing Harrison Ford comes running out of the next room and jumps over the balcony, shortly after I was walking along Sunset Boulevard and fuck me this guy jumps over a car and rolls over in front of me, it was Harrison Ford again, this happened all day I kept bumping into Harrison Ford so look out for his next movie I’ve got to be in there somewhere.

DAY 2

Walking along the strip I was stopped by some tasty bird who asks who I am and would I like to pop inside her office for a couple of minutes, me thinks ‘ere we go happy days, what’s all this about so I duly oblige and go in, at the other end of the room a bloke is sat with a camera and a load of geezers with six pack bellies, 30K dollar smiles, Yeah ‘He’s the one’ says the guy with the camera ‘the rest can go’ Next thing I‘m in the Mojave Desert dressed as a cowboy with a Brazilian supermodel called Bruna doing an editorial photo shoot for Marie Claire magazine about the movie Misfits and I am an icon Montgomery Clift (see photo) incidentally the guy with the camera was Alexander McPherson – U2’s photographer-. I took my guitar along we all had a buzz.

DAY 3

Goes to the Standard for a beer, ends up getting offered the lead role in a movie called The Beneficiary by a bloke who managed Peter Fonder and Sylvester Stallone; you’re an icon he says. I then go to casting agency with my mate Joey. I’m just standing there reading a mag, the next thing I know I get called in to do a screen test for the Coors light ad campaign across America, got the gig, needless to say I couldn’t do it - no green card - I’m only here on holiday but it was a buzz anyway.
fuck me! I have only been here a few days, I have been accosted by a horde of hookers, arrested by Harrison Ford, offered the lead roll in a movie as an icon, the Coors light ad campaign, and photographed as Montgomery Clift in the desert, ----- all this shit and I haven’t sang a fuckin’ note yet!! and I only came here for a chill, write some songs and finish my album, it’s just barmy!

DAY errrm - I’m not quite sure sorry!

Go to open mic night at the Highland Grounds to see what the sketch is on the local scene, it was pretty cool, some vocal gymnastics and sweet guitar playing, so for a laugh I borrow a guitar get up and do an acoustic version of ‘All you need to know’
and to my surprise the promoter tracks me down and offers me a gig, I’m playing there next week so I’ll let you know how it goes.

DAY 8

I’ve caught up a bit and if I can believe what I’m told its day 8.
I have hooked up with a cool Mexican guy called Omar, shit hot guitarist and all round geezer, who asks do I want to play tonight at a place called the Top Fuel Café, it’s a sleazy place on the strip which allows smoking and as I like the odd fag or two I agree, no booze though’ he says just coffee, this is my first ever solo gig, I go on about 11pm and after about three songs the place turned into a full scale riot the feds even turned up! 5 black and white’s, guns the fuckin’ lot it was great, I ended up playing for well over an hour and I can honestly say of all the gigs I’ve done this was the best buzz, watching people kick the shit out of each other from the stage is an odd experience to say the least

DAY 9

Hook up with two more musos, guitarist Troy and keyboard player Sven, they think my music is the dogs bollocks and agree to join Omar in the band that is gradually taking shape, Troy and Sven recently backed Enrico Infuckinglasshouse or something like that! I have a shortlist of three drummers, he could very well be English!!

DAY 10

Play the Lava lounge again on the Strip, another boss night great reaction from the audience they seem to love my scouse accent. I like this solo stuff, it allows me to be more rock n roll, go with the flow and get closer to your audience – I might fuck the band off! as I finish and sign a few tits here and there (do I love this job or what?) I am approached by a bloke who says he is a promoter called Wood (I thought that was a hard on in a blue movie, he could be a prick anyway, lets see) and has got me five gigs, as we were talking these 4 Latino kids came over looking pretty menacing I think ‘ere we go, get yer skates on. Then they were shaking my hand saying you’re the guy who played the Top Fuel man you’re fuckin’ brilliant your attitude just say’s fuck OFF rock n roll is back, you’re too fuckin’ cool man “ and starts to call his mates over, the promoter hears this and says I’ll put you on more gigs, and I’ll ring you tomorrow. I thought OK let’s see ‘cos I’ve heard pigs fart before!

DAY 11

I get a call from Wood, you know the bloke from last night, saying you’re on the VIP guest list at the House of Blues their promoter wants to see ya there! HE sounds excited so let’s just see.

DAY WHATEVER

Goes to the House of Blues and fuck me it’s the Golden Globe after show party an’ I’m on the fuckin’ VIP guest list! I told you on day one this place is mad!

I meet the promoter and she tells me she wants me on the ‘What’s Hot in LA’ night

Me thinks that’ll do, I’ve just got to confirm the date. This place is the nuts, great vibe with loads goin’ on all over the building BUT here’s a warning, if you ever go there and you smell the sweetest of aromas coming from a room - DON’T GO IN - I did, I was offered a toke on a spliff. What the fuck? Two pulls and the place turned into the final scenes of ‘Devil’s Advocate’ talk about paranoia, I even thought I was out to get me, then bliss, I didn’t drive back I hovered.

DAY - I HAVEN’T GOT A CLUE

Started shooting video, now this is where it goes really mental the video consists of….. well I think I’ll let you see it for yourself when it’s done but I think you will like it, IT COULD GET BANNED!! Gotta go now, gotta get ready for a gig tonight at Molly Malones, it should be good a few promoters want to check me out, promoters breed like fuckin’ rabbits over here.

There’s loads more to tell you about the visit, the Rainbow and Viper Rooms, my experience in the supermarket with Brian May, the cars – if you’re into cars like me , well you’re in car heaven, I’ve driven vintage mustangs and porches it’s great it’s like being in a 70’s movie for real, and everywhere you look there is someone you recognise from some band or other, Oh and yes the porn convention, I’ll have to tell you about that one, Oh yes I’ll certainly have to tell you about that! and the visit to 29 Palms and the Joshua Tree and by the time you’ve read this I will have played a few more gigs and my single ‘CLICHÉ’ will be out in the UK. I hear it’s going down really well in the clubs!
So bye for now and don’t forget live for Rock and Rock will live for you!!!!!

DEAN see you next time!!!


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